So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
