Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
