the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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