Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
