please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
