Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize