I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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