Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
