I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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