You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
