Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
