So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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