i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
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