Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
