You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
