the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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