I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
