I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
