So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
