I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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