just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
