My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
