He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
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