I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
