Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize