i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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