I should be sponsored by Trojan
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Randomize
