this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We're too hungover to prance.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
