very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
