in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
organizing the empties. That sober.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
