some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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