Jerry, you need to find god
I want to make a zoo with you.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
