dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
