The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize