I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
