i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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