Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Randomize
