You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
