omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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