textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
