I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
