It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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