You made me cry and you don't even care
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
