dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
there was a trapeze. enough said
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
