I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize