pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
no more duck duck goose at the bar
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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