She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
