I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
