talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
