I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize