So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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