You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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