so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize