In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
