if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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