I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
