So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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