Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
