when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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