Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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