I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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