i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
