i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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