Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
