i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize