No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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