Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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