Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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