Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
